God has spoken to me so much with a symbol of an ANCHOR this year, I have necklace that I wear pretty consisitantly to remind myself of Hebrews 6:19, “This confidence is like a STRONG and TRUSTWORTHY anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God’s inner sanctuary.”
I need to speak on my fear of loss with foster/adopt. Please don’t misunderstand me, this is an incrediable journey filled with giggles, joy, laughter, jumping, running around, growth, lots of excitement, lots of hugs, and lots of LOVE!!!
But there are those moments when you feel yourself tired and weary.
A year ago, a sweet friend of mine, experienced a miscarriage, and she had shared with me about the deep loss of her child and how it had changed her. Later on she came to me and expressed to me with excitement she may be pregnant again, but shared she was having a hard time letting her heart go. She really wanted to truly love this baby in her womb, but was getting gripped by fear, due to the excruciating pain of her last miscarriage. When she was speaking to me, my mind raced…this is exactly how I feel every time I have fostered a child in our family and we had to let them go. I know the loss, the pain, the sorrow, the dreams!
This is the battle ground I think I awake with everyday. The choice is to love with no bounds. I know I have blogged previously on love, but it is topic in my mind and on my heart that just won’t go away.
The choice is to …love or not to love.
Let me be honest, loving with the “not knowing” is so in your face with foster/adopt. Foster/adopt parents have to let go and trust that God has a purpose for each child in your home, and it’s all a surprise in the end of who will end up being your forever babies! Truly only God knows. I do know this, that every foster child that has come into my life has changed me forever! Loving without any conditions is my choice – even if loss comes my way. And I know the loss – it sucks!
BUT GOD – will pick up the pieces!
AND I do have a strong ANCHOR! So if I believe I have a strong ANCHOR, then I won’t drown in the storm or be lost at sea!
There are so many songs about love, love this, love that, all my love, on and on…
Do you really think it is easy to love? I wonder how many of us love others more than ourselves. Honestly its a really hard thing.
As I was tucking my 7 year old daughter in her bed last night, she began to cry, and asked me a deep hard question. “Mommy, how can I love somebody if I might have to say goodbye one day?” As tears streamed down her face, looking straight into my eyes for answers, I was almost caught breathless.
We are foster parents right now, to three beautiful children, and our hope is to adopt but we don’t know the end of the story yet. We are just walking it out in faith and we are called to love with no bounds. Love is deep, it is sweet, and bitter all the same time. Yet to never have loved is robbing yourself.
After 3 weeks of fostering our foster son during feeding time, I, myself have questioned the same thing “how am I to let my LOVE be un-abandened to you, little precious one, though you might leave me?” And his tiny 3 month old body just snuggled in mine with big brown eyes gazing into mine as he drank his bottle, my eyes began tear and the tears just kept falling. But then God so reminded me of what “real” LOVE is……and “If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.” 1 Cor 13:1-4
Then I looked at our little boy and I said to him out loud, “I love you, and I WILL love you.”
When God reminded me of that scripture, it was very, very clear, you can do all the most amazing things for others in the world, but if you didn’t love, its pointless, waste of time, emptiness to the fullest.
People always tell me, “I could never do what you are doing, the letting go part…” I don’t know how I respond anymore, but truth be said my heart is in a million of pieces most days as I love with all my heart, but I know who is the maker of my heart, and who mends it all back together after pain, and I know He never leaves me, nor abandons me. My anchor is cast upon the Rock of all Ages, and His strength is enough! And most importantly I know His love, and His deep love for me was beyond pain, it was reckless abandoned love till death.
What about you? Are you loving un-abandoned with your loved ones, husband, wife, children, family, friends, strangers, enemies, on and on… ” Or you holding back because you don’t want to get hurt?? Truth be told life hurts, and it hurts a lot more if you never loved at all because then you live with regret. A full heart is one that has loved fully and no regrets.
I want to live my life to the best I can with no regrets…NO ONE truly wants to whisper these words….”wish I would have loved them more!”
Where do I begin! Well for starters! I have 4 kids now! We went from 1 child for 6 1/2 years to four kids in 102 days! How you ask?
In 2002, I was singing at the top of my lungs, pulling onto the freeway, and I started praying those crazy faith prayers, and making promises to God! And it went something like this, “Dear God, if you would ever give me the opportunity or allow me to be a singer or write songs, I promise I will speak for foster and adopt children..” Speed up a few years a later in 2006, my life would go in a new direction that I wasn’t ready for personally, or so I thought. My husband and I would become a “emergency-foster-parents” for a “weekend”.
We will never forget that first morning and we heard “MOMMY…DADDY… MOMMY…DADDY”!!! We looked at each other and laughed and said, “what did we get ourselves into?!”
Our first placement of foster children were 2, 3, and 4 years old, instant parents!
Well, fast forward to today, we have our daughter who is 7, and now we have a 3 more kiddos, ages 2 yrs., 6 month old, 2 month old!!! Basically, we feel like we have twins with a toddler!
And I have never changed so many diapers, and fed so many bottles, and laundry….just plain tripled!!! The craziest part of the day is right before dinner, everyone is whiney and wants to eat, as they smell the aroma of food cooking! The best part of the day is after dinner, smiles, laughs, giggles, lots of tickles, and some dancing and singing of course!
God has provided for us above and beyond…. in funny ways, and serious ways! I have posted previously on Facebook this story but it needs to be restated, gives you and idea of who I am! ….
My Crazy Mom story: Driving home I see a Salvation Army truck pulled to the side of a house and they have this baby swing in hand ready to put in the truck! I slam on the breaks, run out and ask the guys, “Can I have that?! I have 2 foster babies I really need it!” (With a big grin!!) They laugh and see all the kids in the car and say “sure! here u go!” I was soooo excited!!! I truly needed to calm down, because when I got home, I pulled it out so fast, the bar hit my lip and busted it! I was just a little overly excited! Put this way, when you have 2 babies, a swing is MUST!
I will continue to post my adventures here, not to show what we are doing, but the GREAT need there is for foster/adopt parents! Everyday kids are being placed into the foster care system, who are in need of tender care, hugs, and love!
And just maybe, if I am transparent, you might step out of your “bubble”, of whatever that is in your life, and reach out! Serving is better than being served!
Everyday is a gift, and when you are foster parents it is really in front of you, for you don’t know how long they will be with you or if it could turn into forever family! I can’t wait to share more….but for now I need to go feed our precious baby girl!
The Merc Country show in Temecula, was a great show! Tickets were sold out!! First show for us! And a BIG THANK YOU for all you who came out to support us!! Really means a lot!
It was awesome to share the stage with terrific singers and friends. For those who couldn’t make it, here is the run down. The Amy Clarke and Topher Daniels started the show and did and outstanding job singing a few covers, one in particular by The Civil War’s famous song “Poison and Wine”. And just a quick note Topher Daniels has just put out a cd called “Empty Graves”, check it out on itunes. Next was Rebekah Cromey and Robert Powell and they sang for us an original duet, nicely done! Then, up next, was husband and wife team, Rachel and Brian Brogie, switching off piano, and guitars, not just beautiful but sweet melodies together, and the classic cover song by “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Rait. We also got some good laughs from Matt Eden on the stage, giving us some good laughs and smiles.
Then we hit the stage, and did 4 songs and had a great time! Two of the songs sung, were from the upcoming EP, that we are working on in the studio.
A few personal highlights for me, was having a new fan come up and tell me the song “When You Said I Do” brought her to tears and it really spoke to her. Every singer/songwriter wants to see and hear that, I don’t want to be just be “singing” songs. Honestly, I got a story to tell you in my songs and maybe, just maybe you might relate to it. And another one, was to see some dear old friends from Texas show up and surprise us! We were surprised! We love you Mitchells!
Stay tuned, we will be having another show coming up…Ya’ll take care!
A woman that always amazed me was Helen Keller. And then there is the woman Ann Sullivan you don’t always hear about.
Helen Keller fell ill and was struck blind, deaf, and mute. There was a teacher that came along named Anne Sullivan helped Keller make tremendous progress with her ability to communicate. If it was not for her determination for Helen to learn, Helen could have lost many beautiful moments of triumph using gifts that God had given her. They had a friendship of 49 years as a teacher and pupil.
This true story shows such a journey of hardship and determination.
I started thinking, do we take the time to invest in others? Are we willing to be an “Anne” in someone’s life? Or are we afraid of longterm relationships due to past hurts? Do we spur others on? Or do we sit and compare ourselves to others who have “already made it ” and wished we were part of a ” journey” of determination and triumph. It is so important to love on others, and not just wait for a “destination” to arrive in our laps. It takes hard work, rolling up the sleeves…love is not about what can I get out of this. Love is unconditional. Love is a decision. There is no greater thing than to love your neighbor and get your eyes off of yourself. If you are feeling lonely, depressed, unloved…sometimes the biggest step to beat those emotions is to get out of your comfort zone and go and care about someone else, invest your time in their lives.
Challenge today: Go and talk to your neighbor, listen to their day. Let them you know you care. We all want, and crave community, but sometimes it is right outside our door and many times it is right inside our own walls, within our own family. Just do it! And be blessed! Be an “Anne” and make a difference, not for fame or popularity but because of ….. LOVE.
One of my favorite songs is “Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood. As I was listening to it I thought, “What does that mean?”
Where do I sit in the car? Do I let Jesus take the wheel…?
When I was a young girl, about the age of 11 years old, my niece, who was a year younger than me, we were fighting who would get to drive the golf cart around the dairy as we were about to leave her house. I remember us both running like mad, jumping on the cart, but she got to the driver’s seat way before me. And she quickly put the cart in reverse. Then with my 11 year old impulsive mind, I tried to grab the wheel and gave it a good jerk toward me, and simultaneously she stepped on the gas….next thing we know CRASH!!! We looked behind us in utter shock! We had just crashed the golf cart’s pointiest part, into my sister in law’s friend’s El Camino! And it had a huge gash in the back! OH NO!!!! I remember the fear that riddled in my body, like it was yesterday! The next thing we know there was my sister in law and her friend standing outside staring at us, then the car. I do remember the looks of anger, shock, and disappointment on their faces. I ran home crying.
Good lesson learned, never grab the wheel from the driver! Bad idea!
I have those times in my life, where I still have the impulsive idea to grab the wheel from the driver Jesus, thinking I know how life should go. And when I do, I only end up crashing! I think at times, I can’t even be a passenger next to Him, I need to go in the back seat, or maybe in a car seat. I need to learn to trust and have faith in Him, just like a baby, Jesus take the wheel.
I am so excited! I feel like the green guy with one eye, named Mike on the movie “Monsters Inc”….there is a possibility of my music to be part of a reality of show on CMT!
I am literally “Dreaming Out Loud”!!! WHAT?!
stay tuned…more to come!!!
Is this for reals!? Tomorrow we record the music for 5 new songs!!!! I am so excited! I can’t sleep! As an artist, it is your dream, to keep writing and singing some more new tunes! I can’t wait for ya’ll to hear them!!!
Scratch vocals in the studio tomorrow yay!!!! Because….we are getting to record 5 more songs coming soon!!! YAHOO!!!! I am so excited, tomorrow there is a blank canvas, and after a few hours we will have a sketch of what is to come! New tunes, tappin of the boots, YEEHAW!!! Stay tuned!